Preserving Manhood

Although I do my best to maintain a measure of charisma for my wife, elements of unfiltered manhood still manage to find their way out.

When we were dating, I was able to restrain my inner-man. Maybe I even primped it up a little: it wasn't uncommon for me to use the soap long enough to work up a lather, or push back a cuticle gone wild. Heck, I even purchased a can of Axe body spray. It had a psychedelic green-flame on the side; below the flame was the word "KILO." The stuff smelled like a Colombian drug lord. Anyway, I did my best to be dapper; I had girl to win over.

But all that sissyness would be offset when a date with my spouse-to-be was over. After I dropped her off and kissed her goodnight, I'd go home to wallow in Taco Bell wrappers with my roommates and watch ESPN until our eyes rolled into the back of our heads.

Now that I'm married, I have to be a little more creative in where and when I find my release--my chance to let it all out and be a man. Thus in everyday circumstances, I find low-key ways to validate my manhood.

When walking through the mall with my wife, I like to size up the other guys I see around. I mentally debate whether I could take them or not, if something were to go down. That's how a man has to live his life, as if something could go down at any time... even at church.

A real man has to look for opportunities to bare his chest. For example, no man should ride in the back of a truck with his shirt on. The great outdoors, or any place you can spit on the ground, beckons men to be free of neck lines and sleeves.

Stadiums and arenas are also good places to remove the shirt, but you must enjoy it while it lasts. From personal experience, I've found that on-hand security can be just as demanding as my wife in making me put it back on.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a male bigot, or the like. But I do feel that the line separating masculism from feminism is being blurred. Men, do you know the feeling you get when you're in Footlocker checking out what you think are some cool shoes, only to find out you're in the women's section? If you're like me, you jump to the ground like a marine under artillery fire and crawl back to the men's section.

Well, that kind of thing is going to happen as long as the dang retailers keep selling pink shirts in the men's clothing department! And it's not just pink shirts, they now sell girl's skinny jeans in the men's section--which apparently is one of the latest waves of fashion to roll through the wardrobes of weak men.

Retailers might as well take down the signs indicating the men's and women's clothing sections, and just throw the whole mess into a big pile in the middle of the store. It's apparent that people these days want to end gender segregation in the world of fashion.

Take a stand, men. What we choose to do now will determine what type of men our sons' sons will be. A few wayward steps, and they could end up right back in the Colonial period.