I got a paycheck without doing any work. That hasn't happened since I quit the fast-food job I had in college. Twelve-hundred bucks from Lady Liberty, just for residing between the Atlantic and Pacific Ocean (and for not living in Canada or Latin America).
They're calling it a stimulus check. Of course, the money once belonged to me. All the government did was hold it hostage for a while, then give it back. Uncle Sam: "I'll give back the $1200 I took from you if you file your taxes."
They're like hard-core regifters with these stimulus checks. We are the gifter when we pay taxes to the government. They then regift the taxes--not to someone else--but right back to us, the gifter and regiftee.
Actually, the money was probably going to go towards the cost of running the government, just like all taxes. Though that would probably mean the stimulus check was cut via a loan from the social security program. If so, I should probably should just put it towards my retirement fund because that's where it came from.
Since the U.S. is in a quasi-recession, my gut tells me to save the stimulus check for hard times. Yet economists are telling me to blow it on random junk so I can help pull America out of a recession. Which should I satisfy, my gut or the economists?
They're calling it a stimulus check. Of course, the money once belonged to me. All the government did was hold it hostage for a while, then give it back. Uncle Sam: "I'll give back the $1200 I took from you if you file your taxes."
They're like hard-core regifters with these stimulus checks. We are the gifter when we pay taxes to the government. They then regift the taxes--not to someone else--but right back to us, the gifter and regiftee.
Actually, the money was probably going to go towards the cost of running the government, just like all taxes. Though that would probably mean the stimulus check was cut via a loan from the social security program. If so, I should probably should just put it towards my retirement fund because that's where it came from.
Since the U.S. is in a quasi-recession, my gut tells me to save the stimulus check for hard times. Yet economists are telling me to blow it on random junk so I can help pull America out of a recession. Which should I satisfy, my gut or the economists?
In my college Economics class I would eat gummy bears while I took notes. Maybe I should buy $1200 worth of gummy bears with my stimulus check to keep my gut and the economists happy.
Or maybe this is a time to be a true patriot. Perhaps I should return my stimulus check to the government. I could send it back with a post-it note that says, "I'd like this to go towards new hand towels at the White House." Maybe I could even request to have my initials embroidered on them.
Or maybe this is a time to be a true patriot. Perhaps I should return my stimulus check to the government. I could send it back with a post-it note that says, "I'd like this to go towards new hand towels at the White House." Maybe I could even request to have my initials embroidered on them.
I'd go down in history! One hundred years from now, kids would be reading in their textbooks about the man who gave his stimulus check back to the government.
"Ask not what money your country can give you--ask what money you can give your country," is a phrase I would coin.
Maybe those future textbooks would have a picture of me striding across the White House lawn, holding an American flag in one hand and a $1200 gift certificate to Bed, Bath & Beyond in the other.
"Ask not what money your country can give you--ask what money you can give your country," is a phrase I would coin.
Maybe those future textbooks would have a picture of me striding across the White House lawn, holding an American flag in one hand and a $1200 gift certificate to Bed, Bath & Beyond in the other.
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2 comments:
I had mine spent months ago with the balance just sitting on my credit card waiting for the check to come. Then to my surprise I got half of what I was expecting. They better make up for that when I start drawing social security.
I had my greedy sticky hands on that check and I was waving it around the room thinking of all the crap I could buy when my wife turned to me and said, "We owe 300 dollars on tuition and and 300 to the credit card company." I looked at my 600 dollar check and with a now shaky hand I did nothing to help stimulate the economy. Oh well maybe if we are lucky we will be in a recession next year too.
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