I always wondered what life in a depression would be like. Everyone is saying that we'll be in one if the $700-million dollar bail-out plan doesn't pan out.
What's that? It's $700 billion? Well, whatever. $700 mil, bil, tril... is there a difference?
So how do the legislative negotiations work on that, anyway? When negotiating the price of a new car with the dealer, you usually start wheelin' and dealin' with $100 amounts, or so.
What amounts do you start with when you're working out a $700-billion plan? If the senator from Wyoming stands up and says "we should shave $10 million off the plan," is he laughed out of the room for pinching pennies?
If the bail-out plan ends up being $701 billion instead of $700 billion, will anybody care? When did billions become such trivial common place?
Sorry, I got off track. So back to the depression. From what I understand, everything will be very dry. Dust will swirl around and plants will shrivel. Fashions will change. All males will start looking like washed up businessmen--top button undone, wearing a dusty, gray suit. I say "gray" because color will be gone. If you're attached to reds, yellows, and blues, get over them.
Dogs will just run loose in alleys. Wendy's chicken nuggets will no longer be "all-white meat." People will regularly sleep on park benches, whether they have a home or not. It's just what people do in a depression.
"Sorry honey, but it's my turn to sleep on the bench down at Cherryhill Park. I'll see you in the morning." Not only that, but when it's your turn for the bench you can't use a blanket. Only newspapers will do. Newsprint is the only cover that will keep the dew off, especially in a depression.
Lastly, TV, Wii's, and laser tag will be gone. For entertainment we'll have to gather around an old radio and listen to nothing but the news and boxing matches.
No, a depression won't be any good for anyone. For that reason, let's root for the bail-out plan and hope the legislators don't hold things up by squabbling over just a few billion dollars here or there.
Photo: http://library.thinkquest.org/03oct/01794/pictures_page.htm
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4 comments:
Bailout. What a crock of crap. The government should have let those stupid businesses go under. You think the African savannahs have bailout plans?
In Africa, the bailout is: Ow I broke my leg, a lion eats me, I'm dead.
Wait--you're dead. I'm the lion.
Doesn't alcohol become illegal too then? I'm going to sell apples in my suit.
Ross, I followed my brothers blog over here (hi Johnny Boy) anyway - I love reading your blog and this one especially cracked me up in a big way! Ok I liked your halfway hamper post too - my hubby has a half way hamper too. He calls it, "the floor drawer"! UGH! I'm with your wife on this one, just wash the dang clothes already! Keep bloggin - this is a good read! Smiles, JEN
I always pictured "the depression" the same way--no color, no thriving plants, no rain. Just blah. We'll see how the big bad world looks if we end up there again.
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