A few weeks ago my wife's cousin from France was in town. She had brought along her husband and two little boys. We took them to several local places of interest, trying to show them what amazing lives we Americans live.
However, her two little boys were never that interested in the attractions we attended. They were more intrigued by what was in the parking lot, namely the big trucks. I guess in France you don't see many Chevy Silverados with extended crew-cabs, Vortec 6-liter V8 engines, and tires the size of Paris Hilton's sunglasses.
I was so used to seeing such rides that I never saw them as unusual. So earlier this week, as I was driving on the freeway, I took note as I was passed by a beefed-out truck [truuhhk]. After the cloud of black exhaust from it's six tailpipes cleared I noticed an elk-antler silhouette on the back window. Above the antler insignia were the words "ELKOHOLIC." A couple days later I crossed paths with a similar truck, but the elk sticker on the back of it read "RACK 'EM."
Even though I come from a country town where hunting abounds and "'em" is often substituted for "them," I never remember seeing stickers like that on the back of anyone's truck. If you shot an elk or a deer you would make jerkey from its meat and turn its antlers into a lampshade, but you never put a sticker representing its head on the back of your rig.
In an attempt to understand the psychology behind such a move, I've conjured up a few reasons why the hunting dude might be inclined to paste a big elk decal on the back of his truck.
One, maybe he put it there to let everyone know he shot a really big elk. It's the only way everyone on the road will know he's the big cheese and they should watch out. But unless he wrestled the elk to death with his bare hands, I'm not impressed.
Besides, can you really be proud of shooting a big elk, especially when a little elk is a smaller, therefore more difficult target? It takes the same amount of strength to pull the trigger on either one. I want to see a truck with a decal of a young, nimble elk on the back window, then I'll give the goateed, cut-off sleeved guy in the driver's seat props.
Or maybe it isn't an ego-supporting sticker. Perhaps the elk decal adhered to the dude's back window isn't boasting about the animal he shot; maybe it's paying tribute it. A guy like that values his truck, and he won't just put anything on it. He's paying homage to his kill because once he slayed the thing it became delicious nourishment.
In that case, I should put an Otter Pop decal on the back window of my Accord. I slaughter a couple of those each day... and reap delicious nourishment each time. Above the decal I could put the words "OTTER SLAUGHTERER."
In other words, maybe the "RACK 'EM"truck-dude has a chest freezer full of elk steaks, but he's not any tougher than a guy that buys his meat at the supermarket.
However, her two little boys were never that interested in the attractions we attended. They were more intrigued by what was in the parking lot, namely the big trucks. I guess in France you don't see many Chevy Silverados with extended crew-cabs, Vortec 6-liter V8 engines, and tires the size of Paris Hilton's sunglasses.
I was so used to seeing such rides that I never saw them as unusual. So earlier this week, as I was driving on the freeway, I took note as I was passed by a beefed-out truck [truuhhk]. After the cloud of black exhaust from it's six tailpipes cleared I noticed an elk-antler silhouette on the back window. Above the antler insignia were the words "ELKOHOLIC." A couple days later I crossed paths with a similar truck, but the elk sticker on the back of it read "RACK 'EM."
Even though I come from a country town where hunting abounds and "'em" is often substituted for "them," I never remember seeing stickers like that on the back of anyone's truck. If you shot an elk or a deer you would make jerkey from its meat and turn its antlers into a lampshade, but you never put a sticker representing its head on the back of your rig.
In an attempt to understand the psychology behind such a move, I've conjured up a few reasons why the hunting dude might be inclined to paste a big elk decal on the back of his truck.
One, maybe he put it there to let everyone know he shot a really big elk. It's the only way everyone on the road will know he's the big cheese and they should watch out. But unless he wrestled the elk to death with his bare hands, I'm not impressed.
Besides, can you really be proud of shooting a big elk, especially when a little elk is a smaller, therefore more difficult target? It takes the same amount of strength to pull the trigger on either one. I want to see a truck with a decal of a young, nimble elk on the back window, then I'll give the goateed, cut-off sleeved guy in the driver's seat props.
Or maybe it isn't an ego-supporting sticker. Perhaps the elk decal adhered to the dude's back window isn't boasting about the animal he shot; maybe it's paying tribute it. A guy like that values his truck, and he won't just put anything on it. He's paying homage to his kill because once he slayed the thing it became delicious nourishment.
In that case, I should put an Otter Pop decal on the back window of my Accord. I slaughter a couple of those each day... and reap delicious nourishment each time. Above the decal I could put the words "OTTER SLAUGHTERER."
In other words, maybe the "RACK 'EM"
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4 comments:
I've noticed that most of those guys don't have much to show for their lives. No college education, no great career job, nothing they're too proud of, no great acheivements. They have had to take a step back in time to a more physical "survival of the fittest". They've got the biggest, loudest, "fastest", meanest vehicle on the road. And in case you didn't notice that, they'll blow a cloud of black smoke where ever they are so that you can track them in case a fast, nimbal, antler bearing animal threatens you. They make sure to keep their windows down so that they can be easily informed should such a beast terrorise the town. They've got their guns ready so we can sleep better at night.
I think this might be your best one yet Rock. I'm looking forward to the Otter Slaughterer sticker . . .
Otter Slaughterer...ha, ha, ha. Love it.
fuck you you tree hugging fagget its not about the size that makes it harder dumbass ita about the hard work thats put into the hunt trying to hunt the animal i would love to see you sit out side in the snow from around 3am to 7 pm trying to shoot the deer youve been scouting all season especially when you know every mountain lion and bear would just love to eat your ass
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