I'm sure women are the driving force of mankind's progression. We men are just too stupid on our own; we have no internal check and balance to keep us on evolution's path.The best place to realize this is a camp out. Get a bunch of guys together out in the wild, without female counterparts, and they immediately begin to degenerate.
Last weekend I noticed this phenomena when I went camping with a bunch of friends, all of whom are men. About a month earlier we started emailing each other about doing a big camping trip.
The first stirrings of stupidity came then, in the planning stages. Emails like this started to circulate among the ten of us:
Neanderthal 1: What do you say we plan a man-trip for some weekend?
Neanderthal 2: I'm down for something intense, or something casual. Just something where I can spit, swear, and not shower for a couple days.
Neanderthal 3: Here's what we do: head down to Zion National Park and camp on Friday. We'll eat some tin foil dinners, or whatever we kill with our bare hands. Then we hike Orderville Canyon on Saturday and drive home on Sunday. Boom, planned.
Neanderthal 4: There's a lot of water in Orderville Canyon, so we'll need wetsuits. The water down in the canyon will be freezing in May. Also, there could be flash floods.
Neanderthal 5: This is MANcation. We don't need tents, we don't need changes of underwear, and we don't need to plan.
Neanderthal 6: It's outings like this one where I wish I had some sleeveless Harley Davidson T-shirt.
Neanderthal 7: Hey, what do you wear under a wetsuit?
Neanderthal 8: Nothing.
Neanderthal 9: I don't think my wife wants me to go on this trip. She thinks I'll hurt myself being stupid.
Neanderthal 10: Stupid decisions are likely. Is it bad that my wife is not concerned for my safety? She either trusts me or wants me to get hurt. You pick.
With input like that, our trip to Zion National Park transpired. We arrived at our destination around 10 pm. Then we spent the next three hours, in the dark, looking for a place to camp.
We eventually settled in on a spot and began preparing for the next day's big hike by carbo-loading on Mountain Dew and Chips Ahoy. After a couple hours of sleep, we woke up and tried to cook some eggs and pancakes.
Luckily nobody could find the plasticware, so we got to eat breakfast with our bare hands. After breakfast we packed some PBJs and drove up to the get-out point of Orderville Canyon to begin our 13-mile descent into one of the Park's most treacherous slot canyons.
We had all rented wetsuits the day before, but it was sunny when we started out so we decided to leave them behind.
TO BE CONTINUED (next week)...
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4 comments:
Oh, that is mean. I hate cliff hangers! I sure hope you can think of an ending to appease us for having to wait all week.
These are like lines from a sit-com. You should think about it. Every one of these blogs could be a half hour episode.
Zions National Park is plural. Where is the other one located. I'd look into a new editor.
Ooops, Jennifer said I should put a :) on the end of that.
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