Sunday, August 16, 2009

A happy wife is sweeter than soda

A couple Sunday's ago my wife and I were taking an evening stroll through our neighborhood. I picked up an empty beer bottle on the side of the road. My wife scolded me to put it down, but I wanted to take it home.

I wasn't exactly doing a good turn by picking up litter, I just wanted to start working on my bottle collection. I then told my wife about a plan I had to start brewing and bottling my own soda. My plan was not well received, and she threatened death if I didn't put the bottle down. I argued my case until she gave in with an "OK, fine."

As my wife and I approach our third-year anniversary, I thought I'd pause for a moment and jot down the few things I've learned about women and marriage in that time. I know three years is child's play to some of you veterans, but sometimes rookies have good things to say...

First off, women don't like men to stay in their "caves." Men are naturally cavemen, not only in manner and eating habits, but also in how they deal with the day-to-day. Their cave is usually a hobby, an escape from the responsibilities of work and family life.

There are a lot of cave options out in the world; golfing, hunting, fist fighting, soda bottling, etc. Women hate all of them, but they can learn to deal with a few--as long as they don't become too time consuming and they don't prevent their man from bringing home the bacon.

Secondly, women are always lying.
  • Example 1: "I made this casserole, but I don't think it's very good; you don't have to eat it if you don't want to." That's a lie.
  • Example 2: "You don't have to get me anything for Valentine's Day." Another lie.
Thirdly, not only do women lie, they also expect men to read their mind.
  • Example 1: If a man asks "Are you mad?", she'll respond with "No, I'm fine." That means she's mad, real mad. Just don't ask, "Why are you mad?" You're supposed to know why she's mad.
  • Example 2: If a man asks "Honey, me and the guys are planning a road trip to Montana. Can I go?" She may reply with something like "Um, I guess so." In reality, the deal is not yet done and you don't yet have a valid passport. Go off to Montana on an "I guess so," and she'll curse your name the whole time you're gone.
Normally I would have taken an "OK, fine," and clung to that empty beer bottle, keeping alive the dream of bottling my own soda. But at that moment, I realized no bottle of homemade ginger-ale was worth my wife's discontent. I dropped the bottle into the nearest garbage can and walked on.

Now I just need to work on having more of those kinds of moments.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

You'd think with her upbringing, she'd be more supportive of these kinds of projects. It was snow cones that put her through college. Ginger ale might do the same for your kids.

JP Anderson said...

Good advice Rock. Even though I had many sisters I never had to understand them. I wish I had paid more attention while they were dating. It would have saved me a lot of trouble.

Sarah said...

You're lucky you have such a gem of a wife. I hope you tell her every day that she's beautiful, or that she looks great in whatever she's wearing.
Coming from a lying, deceiving wife such as myself, just know that nothing makes a girl happier than knowing she's got her husband's approval. Day after day. It never gets old. You're the only one she wants to please.
And Megan is lucky to have you, too.