Celebrating the 4th, Miley Style

In economics a "free rider" is someone who enjoys a public good or service without paying a fair share of its cost of production. Among other things, I usually free-ride fireworks. Why pay to go in the venue when you can see it all just fine from outside the gates?

Every year, Provo, UT puts on concert/fireworks show called "The Stadium of Fire." It traditionally features some mediocre country star, followed by a surprisingly good fireworks show. Except the ignorant folks running the show always launch the fireworks above the rim of the stadium, so there's never been a need to pay to get inside the thing--except for this 4th of July.

Keeping up with tradition, the event managers invited Billy Ray Cyrus for this years' Stadium of Fire. But he, like Hillary Clinton on the campaign trail, was not very eager to come to Utah. So he sent his daughter Miley, who you may know only by her alias, Hannah Montana. And she was probably fine with it, because I doubt the 15-year old pop-star even knew where Utah was on the map.

At least that's how I think they got Miley Cyrus to come to Provo.

My wife wanted to go, and I'm not cheap and I don't care about money (cough, cough), so I forked out a stack of bills and picked up some last-minute tickets.

The show started out great; some sky jumpers parachuted into the stadium, I enjoyed a bag of gummy bears that I smuggled past security, and jets flew over the crowd.

Then a thousand or so youth dancers from around the area put on a show that was supposed to be a representation of Team USA in the upcoming Beijing Olympics. As long as Team USA looks like a bunch 11-year old girls in pig tails running around like lemmings, it was spot on.

Then out came Miley, who really knew how to wake up a crowd of teeny boppers. She effortlessly triggered one earth-shattering scream after another from every girl in the stands, as well as many of their mothers.

I quickly realized that the earplugs I had seen being sold at the concession stands for $1 weren't for the fireworks...

Actually, for a 15-year old she handled herself pretty well. Except for the time in between songs when she tried to get sentimental and said "I know God has a plan for us, and I'm stoked!!!" and other than the fact that most her songs centered around boys, sleepovers, and recess, it was a decent concert.

I went home with my ears ringing from pre-teen squeals directed at Miley Cyrus, ash on my clothes from sitting under fireworks, and a belly full of illegal gummy bears. And I wouldn't have experienced any of it if I had watched it from outside the gates.