Photo: http://www.tv.comAm I the only one that's become disenchanted with world records?
In middle school I remember checking out a copy of the Guinness Book of World Records from the school library. I thought it was great reading; the most tattooed person, the longest bridge, the fattest person (who certainly could have held the most-tattooed record if he wanted to, because of sheer surface area).
Well nowadays world records seem to be getting a bit overdone. It's not just the longest sword swallowed, it's the heaviest object dangled from a swallowed sword. It's not just the scariest woman, it's the woman that's creeped out the most people in a one-year span (set by Rosie O'Donnell in 2006).
I haven't seen the latest edition of The Guinness Book of World Records, but it must be huge.
To set a world record, all you really need to do is find something nobody else has yet thought of, nor would care to do if they heard of it.
Like 30-year old Kanchana Ketkaew from Thailand, for instance. She set a world record by living with 5,000 poisonous scorpions for 32 days. At the end of her stay she walked out of her enclosure in a wedding dress, covered in scorpions, of course.
She's also on track to set the world record for going the longest time without having any human friends.
To me, a legitimate world record should be something other people chase. Nobody cares about beating the scorpion queen's feat, so we really don't know if she's the best at living with a lot of scorpions.
Besides, I checked it out and people in Thailand eat scorpions. So Kanchana's feat is comparable to me living with 5,000 gummy worms for a month.
Furthermore, my first college apartment probably had a few thousand ants wandering through it, and I didn't bother to call Guinness at any time during my stay.
Anyway, if anyone's interested they can go to guinnessworldrecords.com and get on the fast track to breaking a world record. They're serving them up like hotcakes. All you do is fill out an online form about a record you want to break and they'll get back to you in 4-6 weeks.
In fact, I went ahead and submitted a proposal on-line this morning. My record: make the most 3-point baskets using gummy bears (instead of basketballs) on a regulation-size basketball court. The record will be set in 10 minutes. For "why I want to set/break this record," I stated that I really like gummy bears and that I have a good aim when tossing them.
I'll let you know if they decide to send an adjudicator out to ensure the record is being carried out according to [Guinness's] rules and guidelines but also to offer PR support and instant certification.
Oh, and for "media that I'd like to have present," I just put friends and family. So charge up those hand-held video cameras.
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2 comments:
I think Guinness will be all over that one, for sure, Ross!
I tried a whole bunch of times to break the "longest time on the swing" record when I was younger. I'm quite certain I came close, but I could never get mom to call the newspaper and come document it for me.
Do this one for me, bro--I'll live vicariously through your success.
Well put Ross. I've thought about all the pointless world records set myself. I'm sure there is something I've already done that could have been documented in those now "disenchanting" record books. Like for instants, the most oatmeal eaten on a blue place-mat from Anthropologie. I'd bet I've got that one in the bag.
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