Photo: http://scrapetv.com/News/Images/A couple nights ago I decided to make myself a double cheeseburger. But when I opened the freezer, I realized we had both hamburger patties and Gardenburger patties.
I was faced with a health-vs-taste and fiber-vs-protein decision. What did I choose? Let's just say I sat the fence; my double cheeseburger had one hamburger patty and one Gardenburger patty.
It was probably the first time the American Beef Council and PETA had met between two buns.
That's kind of how my diet goes. I do a descent job of eating healthy, but I can never go all-in. For instance, I don't think I'd ever be able to cut ginger ale out of my diet. I know, I know, most people my age are chugging Mountain Dews and Red Bulls, but I think ginger ale is the best drink ever made. I need about one a day to keep my spirits up.
(Random triva: today's ginger ale was developed during the Prohibition and although it's not popular in vending machines, it's a best-seller in airlines and assisted living centers.)
At work is where my diet really fails. I bring a square meal for lunch, but throughout the day I consume a ton of empty calories. By the day's end, the trash can in my office is full of empty fruit-snack pouches, Hershey's Miniatures wrappers, and crumpled-up sketches of army tanks. The night custodian probably thinks an 8-year old works in my office.
Overall though, I feel I make pretty good choices. For example, I like to buy the Dryer's ice cream that has half the fat of regular ice cream, because I know I'll eat at least 2 servings worth at every sitting.
However, most people I know get upset with me whenever I say anything about how I should eat better. That's because I have the metabolism of a gerbil, and bulk clings to me like snow to a hot tin roof.
I don't count that as a blessing, though. My steadfast scrawniness is probably the only reason I'm not playing in the NFL right now. Plus, being funny is an up-hill battle for skinny guys, because fat guys are naturally funnier:
That begs the question, should I have gone for the double cheeseburger instead?
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1 comment:
Ross, I was clinically studied with what the doctors called "the lean gene" and think that you should never feel bad for your failed attempts in gaining weight.
I never go a day without Vitamin D Whole Milk, whipping cream poured over my cereal, and extra butter butter whenever it is called for.
Sure, my insides may be all clogged up - but I look and feel great and wouldn't want it any other way.
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